Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
