OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
