My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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