It's Friday. Sex?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
