so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
