dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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