Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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