My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
