What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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