Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
