hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
