I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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