Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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