please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
