any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
