and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
