Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
