My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
