4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
