Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize