A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
