I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
