Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
