I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
