Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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