I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Green mimosas i think yes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
