I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
