I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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