girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
