HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's blow job season.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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