look no pants
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Someone shit on the floor
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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