It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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