thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
