It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
