Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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