Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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