I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
