that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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