I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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