I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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