I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
