Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
