Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
