May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
