i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
