dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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