wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
