we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
