I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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