I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
