its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize