this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
