So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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