Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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