I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
