a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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