You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize