I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
