Having a random hookup so left but love u
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
