Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
