I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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