At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
