You made me cry and you don't even care
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is Oprah even human
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
