did you get engaged???
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
