my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
