ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
