You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
