Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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