my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
