she woke up with a sticky ear
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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