took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
