Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
