i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
