hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
