haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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