Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
