Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
