You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
third nipple confirmed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
