If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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