ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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