Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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