More tranny stories later!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
