oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
