Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
