Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
