omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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