just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
