But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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