Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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