Someone shit on the floor
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
