i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
