I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
